Does It Hurt to Lose Your Memory?
By Vicki Rackner, MD
Dee's
voice cracked as she spoke the thoughts that keep her up at night. "The most
painful part of my father-in-law's passing was seeing how far gone my
mother-in-law is. We knew she had memory problems; now we think Dad must have
worked hard to cover for her so we wouldn't put her in a home. My husband won't
even call his mother. One day he confessed, 'I don't know what to say.' My
sister-in-law is worn out. We'd like to visit, but what do we tell the kids? It
seems like everyone's isolated in a different bubble of pain"
I asked, "How's you mother-in-law?"
Dee said, "She's the only one who isn't upset by this whole thing!"
With most diseases, the patient– the one with the disease– feels the bulk of the
pain. Not with sick brains being drained of their memories. Most of the pain of
patients with dementia is carried by their loved ones.
Chances are good it's harder to witness someone losing their memory than to lose
it yourself.
I recently asked a dementia expert, "Does it hurt to lose your memory?" She
said, "Yes, they do have pain, but it's not the way you might expect. The most
painful part for them comes when their actions trigger anger or frustration in
their caregivers or family members"
Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who they are. It doesn't matter if
you're six years old or an 80-year-old thinking and acting like they're six. The
more you are able to be with loved ones in their reality, the less pain they
will have.
It's hard to watch someone you love fade away. You need a time and a place to
process your sadness.
However, your loved ones' best interests are served when you can let them be
exactly who they are in any given moment, regardless of their medical condition.
* * *
Why Swearing Eases Pain
It's almost involuntary. You slam your finger in the car door and out comes a colorful word. Even if you never, ever swear.
Swearing seems to be a universal response to pain, no matter what corner of the world you inhabit.
Why do we do this?
It may be a reflexive pain-reduction strategy like pulling your finger from a
hot stove.
A group of scientists enlisted volunteers to submerge their hand in ice water
while repeating either a neutral word or a swear word of their choice. The
students who swore kept their hands submerged longer and reported less pain that
when they uttered a civil, neutral word.
The scientists speculated why. Your brain's speech center lies in the left side
of your brain. Swear words are generated in the amygdala--the emotional center
on the right side of the brain involved with the fight-or-flight response. The
fight-or-flight response seems to disrupt the connection between nerves that
receive the pain signal and the nerves that interpret the experience. A blunted
pain response would allow you to run away from a saber-tooth tiger who just
released your calf muscles from its jaw.
So, next time your parents are in pain, encourage then to swear! Just think how
much fun it will be to say to your parents with a smile, "Mom and Dad, you know
how you always threatened to wash my mouth out with soap for saying naughty
words? Oh, how things change!"
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The Caregiver Club www.TheCaregiverClub.com is an online community for caregivers who want to respond to a loved one's needs, manage stress, minimize guilt and avoid burnout. Founder Dr. Vicki Rackner is a former surgeon, speaker and author. Her most recent book is Caregiving without Regrets. You can reach her at 425 451-3777 or through her web site.
Vicki
Rackner MD FACS
Mercer Island, WA
=========================================================
The Caregiver Club www.TheCaregiverClub.com is an online community for caregivers who want to respond to a loved one's needs, manage stress, minimize guilt and avoid burnout. Founder Dr. Vicki Rackner is a former surgeon, speaker and author. Her most recent book is Caregiving without regrets. You can reach her at 425 451-3777 or through her web site.
Vicki
Rackner, MD FACS
Founder
The Caregiver Club
Mercer Island, WA
425-451-3777
Source: October, 2009 Put Old on Hold Newsletter
Barbara Morris — Image F/X Publications
Barbara@PutOldOnHold.com
© 2009 – Image F/X Publications, All rights reserved. If you are
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