Should You Cherish What Old Age Offers You?
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
Several years ago I decided to limit speaking engagements to audiences of midlife or younger women. I made the decision after speaking to what I was led to believe were boomer women about how to manage the aging process to develop maximum potential in their mature years. During the question and answer session that followed an older women stood up and in a very pained, irritated tone of voice asked, “Why can’t we just accept getting old? Why do we try to stay young when we know that’s impossible?” It was clear she had heard my talk but hadn’t listened to it. She totally misinterpreted my message.
It was upsetting to me that I had unintentionally offended the woman. I now turn down many speaking engagements because I don’t want to possibly upset older women who are happy with where they are in life. My message is for women with a fire in their belly, a zest for life and who want to leave their imprint on the world in spite of their chronological age.
The reality is that the woman who spoke out in favor of just accepting getting old is not alone. Recently, a woman unsubscribed from my newsletter explaining that “I’m more interested in cherishing what aging offers me, rather than denying it.” To me, her reason for unsubscribing seemed to be on a par with the woman who just wanted to accept getting old. She is where she is in life, accepts it and doesn’t want to hear about possibly having more than what she now has.
But let’s think about this. What does aging offer that is worthy of cherishing? Memories? They may be good but not all memories are pleasant, and many would best be forgotten. Even the most cherished memories can be painful to recall when they are associated with a loss. When I become aware that I unintentionally start to reminisce about something that is ancient history and should be left in the past, I quickly tell myself “don’t think” and switch my focus to something that is important now.
There is just one benefit to aging that I am aware of and that’s the accumulation of wisdom. Wisdom confers a lot of freedom if you are smart enough to see its value and use it to improve your life and the lives of others.
So other than wisdom and pleasant memories, I don’t see much about aging to cherish. But I do see huge potential in cherishing the future and all the possibilities that lie beyond all the tomorrows. Regardless of chronological age you can cherish your future if you have planned well during your midlife years, and if you took steps to stay healthy, productive and independent when old age finally rolled around. No, old age is not to be cherished; it is time to let go of the past and celebrate the years ahead, however few or many there may be.
No one is foolish enough to “deny aging.” We all get old chronologically, but not all of us will get old. Getting old is more than physical, over which we don’t have a lot of control. But if mental capacity remains intact we never ever have to succumb to being “old” and accept all the negative baggage attached to the word and state of being.
We need to stop the “aging gracefully” nonsense and stop pretending that old age is worth cherishing. Aging well requires effort and future planning to stay healthy, productive and independent. Other than wisdom and fond memories, we need to let go of the past and get excited about cherishing the future and all the possibilities for growth and productivity that are open to us.
If we could live without awareness of our chronological age I doubt any woman would want to “age gracefully” or “cherish” old age. If we didn’t know how close we were to death, I suspect we’d all do a whole lot more living and cherish the future until we draw our last breath.
Source: October, 2009 Put Old on Hold Newsletter
Barbara Morris — Image F/X Publications
Barbara@PutOldOnHold.com
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