It's Not Denial to Live Defiantly
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
Woe to the woman who successfully manages her aging process -- she’s often awarded a “Scarlet D” for “denial” by mean spirited critics.
Let’s recognize the difference between denial and defiance when dealing with the aging process.
Denial is refusal to accept what has happened. We all get old chronologically so it’s stupid to deny that. But it’s also stupid to deny that we can take measures to improve or mitigate what has happened as a result of passage of time.
For example, you have gained too much weight and your face is wrinkled. You can decide to take the weight off and get a skin peel to eliminate or diminish wrinkles. That’s not denial; that’s defiance. Intelligent defiance can make a huge difference in how well you age.
Look, all older women can age better than they do. Then why don’t they? Because to do so requires defiance of human nature. We are not designed, so it would seem, to live forever. There is a force or entity in each of us that drives us to our finish line. We can make choices that help to derail the process of decline, but it’s easier to give into our human nature and just let life happen without a struggle.
Part of dealing with our human nature is dealing with our own level of awareness of how we are changing. At age 30 youth is slipping away but it goes unnoticed because the image in the mirror doesn’t seem to change from day to day, month to month, year to year. The image tells you that you are staying young enough compared to peers and you don’t have to do a thing to keep what you have.
At age 40 signs of aging become more apparent and smart women take the bull by the horns and prepare for the future. They clean up their diet and lifestyle and get on a consistent exercise regimen. That’s not denial; that’s intelligent defiance.
Another key element in how well you age is whether or not you control what goes on in your head.
What goes on in your head? What kind of negative self talk about yourself and your abilities do you entertain? For all of our supposed enlightenment, I still hear women in their forties declare “I’m too old to do that.” Jack LaLanne just turned 95 and lifts weights and swims every day. He is not too old to do what he does and regardless of your age, you are not too old to do what you are capable of doing. A hot tip: be careful about revealing to others your plan to defy decline lest your aspirations get shot down with a cautionary “Your’re too old to do that” or “Stop being in denial.” We all know within us what we are capable of doing and shouldn’t allow negative “suggestions” from others to set us back.
And then there is the traditional retired lifestyle. I know it’s not cool to say anything negative about it but the reality is that it is a culture of decline. The word that defines the lifestyle – “retirement” – says it all. But know this: If you still have a fire in your belly, regularly associating with old people who are settled in their thinking and behavior is a fast track to decline. We learn from each other and adopt each other’s beliefs and behaviors.
I’ll say it again: all women can age better than they do. It’s not difficult. But it does take effort to keep what you have. Effort and defiance make the difference between the woman who has aged well and the woman who has made the choice to just let life happen.
Your age right now doesn’t matter. You have the capacity to make your life and circumstances better. Live defiantly and ignore mean spirited critics who charge that you are in denial about aging.
Source: November, 2009 Put Old on Hold Newsletter
Barbara Morris — Image F/X Publications
Barbara@PutOldOnHold.com
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